Remember in ‘Poker Night at the Inventory’ When The Heavy Admitted He Liked Red Haired Girls?
Heavy: You have woman?
Tycho: Not with me, but yeah, I “have woman.”
Heavy: She is pretty?
Tycho: Yeah. Cute, glasses, red hair.
Heavy: She has the red hair?
Tycho: No no no, Heavy, she’s not on the other team. YOU DON’T HAVE TO KILL HER.
Heavy: No, but I love the red hair!
Tycho: Well, you can’t have her either.
Heavy: (Pulls a very angry-looking face)
Tycho: … Maybe we can work something out?
I say it’s canon.
This may not make much logical sense in any way, but you know what? I’d like to see a Sniper that’s gone blind and doesn’t give a fuck. Like, I’ve been seeing a lot of blind, crying Sniper pictures being circulated lately, and I think that’s ridiculous. Is this not the same guy that weaponized his piss? I think he’d at least try to find a way to compensate for his lack of vision.
Like how the Scout would run with prosthetic legs.
And the Heavy would continue to punch people in the face with a big ol’ Purity Fist.
And how the Demoman would continue to blow shit up after losing an eyeball.
Sniper would snipe by sense of smell, tell me I’m wrong.
Or he uses echolocation, like a bat. And he wears a hat or something to increase his hearing to compensate for his lack of sight!
Like this, only the Sniper won’t give me nightmares!
To those getting eager to start writing Team Fortress 2 porn based around the whole “nutmeg and sex” joke, remember this:
Impromptu TF2 pairing names
heavy x pyro: Hot and heavy
Heavy x engie: Baldy bald baldy fun
Heavy x spy: ow my pelvis ow my back
Heavy x heavy: Heavy
Heavy x sniper: soggy sandwich
Heavy x scout: paper and weight
Heavy x soldier: ow our collars are so big we poked eachothers eyes out
Heavy x demoman: bulletproof vests
Heavy x medic: PERF
Soldier x pyro: burning the flag
Soldier x engie: america
Soldier x spy: french fries
Soldier x scout: America but louder
soldier x soldier: screaming eagles and wow are they screaming cos of all the sex they are having, wow.
Soldier x sniper: Little try hard america with kangaroos
Soldier x demoman: war and peace
Soldier x medic: some sort of random food item
Pyro x Pyro: matchbox
Pyro x engie: soldering iron
Pyro x spy: french fries again
Pyro x Heavy: well done steak
Pyro x scout: matchstick
Pyro x sniper: Hot piss
Pyro x demoman: Hot and sticky
Pyro x medic: burn ward
OH MY GOD I GIVE UP GUYS ok ok…
I approve of all of these, particularly “Hot and Sticky.” Having said that, Heavy/Engineer is already Bear Fortress. I submit that Heavy/Soldier should be called World War III.
I was thinking either Spy x Pyro would either be French Toast or Spyro.
The Spyro one being based off of this video.
I should try thinking of pairing names… I used to have them, but I completely forgot. When I remember, I’ll repost and write them down.