Was working at Home Depot the other day and at the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Stephen Merchant, my favorite comedian. I quickly turned around (because holy shit, what the hell is he doing at a Home Depot in Ohio) and as expected, it was not him. But he looked pretty damn close to being him.
I walked over and said, “Hey I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but you look EXACTLY like my favorite comedian Stephan Merchant.”
And he just smiled and said, “How do you know I’m not?” He then winked and left casually as I stood there, basically making this face:
- Dad: You know, I like that one British guy who played the fallen angel in that one movie we saw.
- Me: Wait, which movie?
- Dad: You know, the one with the angel with no wings?
- Me: Uh...
- Dad: He was also in that Hall Pass movie.
- Me: Uh... oh, you mean Stephen Merchant?
- Dad: Yeah!
- Me: Wait... Dad, that was the Tooth Fairy movie.
- Dad: It was?
- Me: Yeah. The fallen angel thing was from that Alan Rickman movie, Dogma.
- Dad: Oh...
- Me: ... Dad, did you honestly confuse Alan Rickman for Stephen Merchant?
STEPHEN MERCHANT: KING SHITWEASEL OF SMERCHETTE MOUNTAIN
LOOK AT THIS SMUG FUCK:
THIS ASSHOLE IS STEPHEN MERCHANT AND HE IS A HUGE ASSHOLE FOR DONATING A PHOTO TO A CHARITY TO RAISE MONEY FOR A MATERNITY WARD AT A HOSPITAL HE WAS BORN IN
HERE WE SEE THE MISOGYNISTIC BUTTFUMBLER IN HIS NATURAL HABITAT BEING TALL AND SHITTY AND HORRIBLE TO EVERYTHING
HERE WE SEE HIM MOCKING THE STRUGGLE FOR GAY RIGHTS THE GIGANTIC SHITNODULE THAT HE IS
SO BASICALLY IN SUMMATION
BOYCOTT SMERCH 2012 Y’ALL
Stephen Merchant, on Wheatley going bad and his reaction to reading about it in the script